Real Women Have _______

Via Flickr (a statement by Gabrielle Hennessey)

I hate Dove's "Real Women Have Curves" slogan with a passion. I stuffed my bra in seventh grade because of ideas like that, because of society's undying belief that Breasts = Woman. A few days ago I walked into a store and a fellow shopper didn't hesitate to tell her partner that my body was "gross."

She said this while three or four feet away from me. I assume she wanted me to hear her and feel bad about my alleged eating disorder/unhealthiness/low self esteem, so that I'd go home and cry over some bonbons about my wasted life and listen to Christina Aguilera and discover my inner beauty and suddenly gain thirty pounds so I could be normal like her.

Real women have hearts and blood and bones. They have skin that breaks and nerves that feel the cold. They are made up of carbon and water and constantly renewing cells. They know who they are.

Real women may not have breasts. They may not even have vaginas. They might like girls or boys or a bit of both or neither at all. They may not always consider themselves to be women, or they might have to fight to be called such since no one else believes them.

Find a new slogan, Dove. Thousands of the people you've unwittingly condemned as Not Real Women are waiting.

Enjoy your profits.

Oh, labels. What makes a "woman"? What makes someone "[insert group here]"? What makes someone anything? If breasts don't make a woman, what does? Is it the chromosomes? Is it the genital appearance? Is it the clothes? Is it other people's perception of them as a member of a certain group? Is it a certain grouping of these aforementioned things? Is it an intangible "je ne sais quoi" of "woman-ness"? What does that even MEAN? And why is it necessary to make this distinction?

If we reduce these broad categories (e.g. woman, man, Latin@, homosexual, American, etc) to a list of "traits," no one person will embody all of them. However, devoid of things that describe a label or devoid of things that make UP a definition, categories become meaningless. With no signified, the signifier becomes empty--just surface, with nothing beneath it. We keep using these terms in hopes that they will represent our realities somehow and allow us to communicate with one another, and ourselves.

The problem with all labels is that they ultimately define through exclusion; they purport to build a community based on, yes, shared traits or ideas or WHATEVER, but it always happens at the expense of keeping "something" out. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not going to ask for the abolition of all labels and categories because I DO find them useful (although inherently flawed). What I'm going to ask for is the fluidity and openness of thought to think outside those categories and constantly question them. What I'm going to ask for is a critical, analytical approach to definitions and life in general--one that will allow for change, multiplicity, and a degree of uncertainty about it all.

Next time you ask yourself "Oh, is that person [insert label here]?," ask YOURSELF why you even need to know. Not because you don't need to know the answer to your original question (maybe you do, maybe you don't, whatever), but because I feel an integral part of understanding the world is understanding (or at least trying to understand) ourselves. Being introspective and looking at our own minds and our own actions in a way that is honest, questioning, and even slightly playful (because taking things seriously 24/7 only leads to nasties like high blood-pressure and a permanently furrowed brow) can tell us a lot about the world and why we perceive it the way we do. Asking yourself why you need to know if the person sitting next to you on the bus is "a girl or a boy" or "Mexican or Asian" will probably (eventually?) show you some of your own preconceptions, and by becoming self-aware, you can finally begin a process of growth and change. You can't break the bars of cages you can't see.